you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
