I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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