Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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