His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
