k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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