Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize