Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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