Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
