Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
