you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize