my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
