People in love make me want to vomit
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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