You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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