So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
