New invention idea: vibrating tampons
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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