maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize