Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
