yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
