My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
