I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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