Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my phone needs a breathalizer
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
