I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize