cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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