so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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