Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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