I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
