I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
