Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She said her name was "party"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
