just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
