I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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