New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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