Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
