she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
