I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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