She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
