Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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