Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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