If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
