tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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