Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
