If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
