Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
