I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
