What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
