he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
