My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
