it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
vagina is talking i cant
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
