i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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