somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
