2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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