i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
