Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's rum buckets o'clock
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
