Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
