i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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