You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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