herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize