OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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