If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
