i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
