YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize