me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
