Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so let's talk penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
