That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
