4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
