he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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