so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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