i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
