I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
