Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
