Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
