I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
