Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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