I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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