I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
