I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
