recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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