i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
