I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sarcasm needs its own font
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
