we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
being pregnant is like rehab
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
