she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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