In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
