I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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