I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
