remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize