My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
