i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
