i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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