your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
