how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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