Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
