Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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