mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
