You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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