btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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