Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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