Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
