I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
