so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
